The Make Out Artist by Sara Ney

Author:Sara Ney [Ney, Sara]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sara Ney

Eli: Molly, do you read me? Over.

Me: Go for Molly

Eli: Houston, we have a problem…

Me: Wait. Houston or Molly???

Eli: Ha ha, you’re cute.

Me: Okay but seriously, what’s the problem? Are their women banging down your door, dying to get in?

Eli: Worse. My sister, Kate, called me earlier and needs a favor.

Me: A FAVOR?! What is it with you Cohens and needing favors. They lead to no good.

Eli: I know—which is why I need a favor from YOU if you don’t have plans tonight.

Me: First tell me what it is because this sounds a whole lot like you stacking favors.

Eli: Kate—god love her—is single and wants to do a speed dating thing at this bar tonight. Ironically, it’s actually in your neck of the woods.

Me: You don’t say! Such a weird coincidence. Tell me more.

Eli: My sister is begging me to go with her. All her friends are busy, and she doesn’t want to go alone. I can’t imagine why she’d invite me along, considering half the people there will be half my age.

Me: Half your age? Surely you exaggerate.

Eli: The point is, speed dating sounds like its own form of hell on earth and won’t help me win the bet with Penelope.

Me: No, it definitely wouldn’t. Unless you were an asshole during the “dates,” which would ensure you got no matches.

Eli: Have you done it before? You seem to know enough about it.

Me: No—everything I know about speed dating I learned from the movies. My point is, all you have to do is be a dick, and no one will want to see you again.

Eli: Oh. That sounds easy enough. I’m good at being a dick.

Me: Um, you’ve literally not been a dick once since we’ve met. If anything, you’re TOO nice.

Eli: Too nice? Is that still a thing?

Me: It’s not a thing. It’s just an observation. In summary: be a dick, and you won’t need your security blanket tonight, i.e. ME

Eli: You would seriously not go?

Me: I had a hot date with my couch tonight… All those documentaries I want to watch are still calling my name.

Me: Here’s an idea: Tell your sister no. She’ll live.

Eli: She said she signed me up already and paid the $75 fee.

Me: SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS? Damn

Eli: Yeah—and she’s broke, so that’s a lot for her.

Me: Well, shit…

Eli: Will you come? I’ll buy you a drink.

Me: Ugh, fine. I’m a sucker for a guy who helps out his little sister…

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